Let’s have a kiki

“I see more intolerance from the LGBTQ community for being a Republican than I feel from the Republican community for being gay.”—from: “He’s a gay 21-year-old, watching the RNC — and loving its critique of ‘identity politics“, by Andrea Eger, in The Washington Post

Darling, let me pour you some tea. Let’s have a little chat and set a few things straight – so to speak. While I will agree with you that within the gay community there is a caste system dependent upon physical beauty and sexual prowess, and while you – or I for that matter – may not have gone home with the best looking guy at the Stud on Saturday Night, let’s not confuse gay sexual aesthetic discrimination with what really is, in essence, political corruption run-amok and a paranoid fascist agenda grounded on years of institutionalized racist laws and misogynistic policies. I know it’s a lot to digest in one sentence, so let’s break it down a little.

I am not intolerant of a gay man who wants to be a Republican. I just can’t fathom wanting to be one! What is posing today for a “republican” party is instead a political machine backed, supported, financed, and directed by organizations and institutions that want to roll back civil rights the LGBTQ+ community has fought for years to attain. Ronald Reagan, if he were alive today, would not recognize the travesty that’s become the Republican Party. Nor would John McCain, who was the Republican’s nominee for president a few years back. Think about that for a minute and let it sink in. I would include your university as one of the conservative institutions that would like to see Supreme Court decisions backtracked on their LGBTQ+ rulings. So, why would I support, or endorse, anyone who wants to take away my right to marry another man, or allow an employer to fire me because I’m gay? Republicans, you see, support this; Democrats do not. Tell me about one (just one) civil right the LGBTQ+ community can thank the Republicans for. This is why I cannot support a Republican, let alone tolerate him.

I cannot fathom supporting anyone who does not believe in religious freedom – and by religious freedom I do not mean the right to smear any religion that’s not Christian. Given you hail from Palestinian territories, fell in love with Israel, speak Hebrew, and are pro-Palestine (all wonderful qualities to have, mind you, and which I fully endorse) I can’t help but wonder if the religious up-bringing your adoptive Christian parents offered you, and the political courses you are taking at Oral (not the kind I have in mind) Roberts University, has skewed your view not just of politics, but of homosexuality as well. After all, it’s conservative Christians who are anti-Muslim, supported the Muslim travel ban, and fear anyone who wears a turban. My dear, that’s not religious freedom, that’s religious discrimination. Jesus wept.

Last time I checked (last night), Oral Roberts University (ORU) is a conservative Christian school. In fact, ORU is on the list of The Absolute Worst Campuses for LGBTQ Youth. It stands to reason they would not approve of anything they do not deem (a-hem) kosher, although ironically Muslims have their own version of kosher, so you figure it out. Conservative Christians, in general, are the vanguard of most anti-LGBTQ+ legislation, action, or protest. So it would stand to reason that same-sex marriage or relationships, are not kosher to them, which is a shame because many conservative Christian leaders have been found out to be gay, or closeted, but I’m sure there’s not a class about that in ORU.

I don’t mind being friends with, or having a glass of sangria with, a conservative Christian. Some of the best sex I’ve had has been with conservative Christian men who are not so conservative in the bedroom. For real. I just can’t fathom a religion that advocates one thing and does another; or a person who would advocate one thing but then does the direct opposite. In the Bible, people like that were called Pharisees (click the link for a thorough explanation). They were hypocrites, darling. Jesus did not approve of their actions, politics or tactics. So if Jesus said no to hypocrisy, how can I stomach hypocritical, conservative Christian “values.” I can’t my dear. I simply cannot. I’m on team Jesus on this one. Yay, Jesus!

Drink more tea.

Abortion. That’s a biggie. And here’s the tea. Just because I believe a woman has a right to choose what she deems proper with her body, and make a decision about what to do about a pregnancy, does not mean I endorse abortion. What I endorse is the right – and the option – for a woman to have one without a man telling her what she can or can not do with her body. In other words, I’m talking about freedom – something conservative Christians are always freaking out about. For an “independent thinker,” your views seem rather narrow, not to say shallow, so let me explain.

What a woman does with her body is none of my business. It’s her body, not mine. Who am I to tell anyone what to do with their child – born or unborn? If I can’t walk into your home and tell you your decorating choices are lacking, why should you come into my house and tell me my rug does not match my curtains (they do, in fact). Keep drinking.

Conservative Christians, love to hold loud, charismatic gatherings with people speaking in tongues (if only), waving their arms in delirium (look it up) when it comes to telling folk what to do. Lord forbid someone tells them what to do. It’s all brimstone and fire from then on, the end of days, and a Madonna / Lady Gaga We’re All Going to Hell concert. Freedom is alright with then as long as they are the ones who get to tell others what to do, but not the other way around. Remember the [cough] Pharisees? 

I don’t believe in abortions, even though I am a registered Democrat; what I endorse is a woman’s personal right to choose what is right for her. The difference is too subtle for anyone who sees the world in black and white. A law that says “Thou Shall Not” does not allow for all the shades of gray (not the movie, darling) wrapped in a difficult decision. A law that allows a woman the right to choose an abortion, if it’s what is deemed necessary to her health, or whatever other personal reason,  is ethical. I prefer my laws to be ethical, not moral. So for someone who longs to be an “independent-thinker,” it seems to me a liberal arts education would have suited you better than what they’re serving at ORU.

In addition, if conservative Christians and the ORU crowd were serious about Choosing Life, it would stand to reason that they would not stop at abortions, but continue to oppose all wars and opportunities for mass murder. They would also oppose police brutality and the murder of black men and women. And they would not be hosting gun-toting outings during a Black Lives Matter (they do!) rally pretending someone is going to “hurt” them. And yet, fact and history are not behind ORU or the Republican party on this one either. Remember Iraq? Afghanistan? They are wars begun and supported by Republicans and conservative Christians. People died; babies died. It seems to me that if I was to free-think this one, I would venture to say that anti-abortion supporters don’t want babies to die because instead they need babies to build an army to fight a war somewhere in the name of…whatever is en-vogue at the moment. So, if you’re against abortion, but pro war in the Middle East, or having anyone die for whatever reason anywhere in the world…again, [choke] the Pharisees. 

Your tea’s getting cold, so let me begin to wrap it up…

If you’re miffed at the gays because someone did not reply to your text message on a dating app, blocked you from their SnapChat, or ghosted you after your coffee date, welcome to the club. Yes, there are assholes out in the world – both straight and gay. Don’t be an asshole to a guy who really likes you and wants to be your friend even if he doesn’t measure up to your gay aesthetic. If you’re miffed at the gays because they didn’t like the cute outfit you bought yourself at the mall, or because you don’t look like a porn star, or because your dick is not big enough, or because you got all dressed up but no one asked you to dance at Pride Dance – join the club. We’ve all been there at one time or another and, YES! it sucks. Don’t blame the whole team because a couple of team players think they’re divas or influencers (WTF is that anyway?) on Instagram. If you’re miffed at the gays because one of  your Instagram crushes has more followers than you and continues to ignore your DMs, feel better knowing anyone has more followers than me on Instagram. If you’re miffed at the gays because you’re not an influencer like three quarters of gay Instagram profiles, consider yourself lucky. Go out in the world and have a life! Look up from your computer or iPhone screen and look at the world at large. There’s a lot of world to be had, seen, done. But if you can read the president’s tweets and think to yourself: “‘Ugh! You don’t need to be talking about women that way,’” and are doing nothing about it…honey, you are part of the problem. That’s the reason why no gay wants to date you.

Go out, find some friends who love and support you for who you are, not what you would like to be, and come to the dance floor. Dance it off, like we all have done many a weekend night, and be a dancing queen for the evening. Find your niche. Find your friends. And dance!

So, that’s the tea, darling. It hurts, I know. But you are not a Pharisee – far from it. You’re but a wee gay venturing out of your shell, and you want to be loved for who you are. We all do. You’ve got so much to learn and so many men to bed – especially in your school. I’m sure there’s extra credit in that. So, why don’t you? And while you’re at it, “let’s have a kiki!”